Kiwi

Hey, I know you're slowly forgetting about me and living life the way you always wanted. I'm just checking in to make sure you're doing okay. I'm sure you're smiling and laughing a lot more now, and im happy for you. This is going to get very emotional, and its more of a verbal diarrhea than a thought out piece, because I figured its best as raw as I can make it, is the more real it is.

I was just diagnosed with sarcomatoid carcinoma of the lung, which is a rare cancer with a low low low chance of surviving. I'm gonna be honest. Im very very scared. I don't know what will happen to me, or anyone else involved, but I won't be having the time to check in on here much, if at all; and I just wanted to say I've enjoyed every time we've interacted. I wasn't aware that words could hold so much. I didn't know a sentence could be so full of life; but hearing this news from my doctor has shifted everything I've done and put so much into perspective. I missed you Scott, Im gonna be real. Its always fun talking to you, and you're always so full of such positive energy. You've made my time here on lioden the best I've had, and I'm glad to have met you. I'm sincerely thankful for all you've done, and I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate it all. It won't go unforgotten.

Please stay the beautiful soul I know, and keep on doing what your doing. You will get places. Look, I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for putting you in this position. I never wanted to be a bad guy, villain, or the worst person ever. I felt like the decision made was best for both of us.

I know you may have not heard this in a long time, but. I'm really really proud of you. And yes, I know that sounds ridiculous because it's just me saying such a cliche phrase, but that's not what it's about. It's not the fact that I know you, it's the fact that I do know that you're going to be struggling right now, if not already from something else. That something in your life is not making you feel good. but here we are. You got through another day. I'm so proud of you. I know i also havent said this enough lately, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I just wanted to let you know I will never take that for granted. <3 I am taking everything to the grave, literally, and I want you to take care of yourself if I do not manage to make it. This is a big change, and god does it suck. But I wish the best for you Scott.

I haven't felt like I got out how I feel about you and all those who have helped me. You helped me. You helped me get through the tough times when I couldn't. Posting comments, leaving likes, and sending me the sweetest messages. I might not be perfect, but you accept me; it means so much to me. Although this was all I wanted to say, I also want to say something you might not understand while furious or completely distraught

Kiwi
05/04/2023