Okay, since you guys seem to love it so much, you can have the next chapter. Again, I'd love critiques on how it's going. c:

----------
Panthera

The priestess was beautiful. Her head held high, she walked regally, not seeming to notice the townspeople clearing the way for her. Her guards surrounded her, keeping her safe and protected, but she didn't seem to notice them, either. The weak winter sun glinted off the many gold pieces of jewellery covering her arms, snakes twining around her, gold leaves paper thin. There were precious and semi-precious stones mounted as the snakes' eyes; gracing the rings on her fingers. Silver earrings dripped from her ears, the tips of the worked feathers only just brushing her shoulders. Her necklaces, too, were of precious metals, the gold shimmering in the sun. A delicate gold and silver chain was twisted in her black hair, keeping the intricate hairstyle in place. Her dark brown eyes seemed ancient, full of secrets.
Her clothes were no less rich. The dress fell to just above her ankles, so that it wouldn't drag on the ground. The front panel was deep purple, further showing her wealth, and the colour slowly lightened around the skirt. Her simple girdle was a carved snake, the iridescent scales changing colour whenever she moved. The short sleeves didn't even cover her shoulders, leaving her arms and throat bare. The cloak she was wearing was a deep blue, almost carelessly thrown around her shoulders. The hood was up, resting delicately on her head, showing just a little of her hair.
Her shoes were made of finely worked leather, soft and wearable, but a gentle glimmer caught his eye. He bowed as expected when she passed, and used the motion to study it closer. She was wearing an anklet; a very thin chain of silver. It seemed unadorned, until she walked past, and then he saw the tiny eye hanging off the chain, also made of silver. It was a personal charm.
Her warriors passed by him, their eyes watchful, and hands on the hilts of their swords. He knew that they would protect her with their lives. The town depended on her to thrive.
Once the priestess had gone, her and her guards out of sight, the street filled with people again, going about their daily business. He finished his errands, and made his way through the crowded streets to the temple. Others gave him wary looks, moving out of his way. He knew why. With blue-black hair and dark blue eyes, he was clearly not from the town. His darkly tanned skin only enhanced that impression. Because of that, and the lithe and graceful way he moved, the townspeople were wary of him. They conducted business with him, but they kept their distance, distrustful of foreigners.
At the steps to the temple, he found his way blocked by the warriors standing guard there.
"No entry. The priestess is busy."
He sighed, and turned away. He knew better than to argue with the temple guards.
"Let him in."
The clear voice made him freeze, chills running down his spine. He knew that only the warriors had seen him. He watched them exchange unsure looks, but they let him enter, prodding him inside.
It was dim in the temple, the only source of light being the sun streaming through the entrance, and various torches burning on the walls. He looked around in awe.
Golden statuettes lined the walls, carefully placed in niches. The floor was covered in tiny tiles, making an interesting and complex mosaic beneath his feet. It felt disrespectful to tread on it.
"Come closer, visitor from other lands."
The clear voice came again, and he looked to where it was coming from. At the other end of the temple, there was a huge marble statue of the mother goddess, her outstretched hands cupping a large bowl of fire. He knew that it was never allowed to go out. Kneeling in front of the statue, her back to him, was the priestess, her head bowed slightly.
He obeyed her command, moving forward until she shifted in place. He stopped, waiting for her to speak.
"What is your wish, visitor?"
He didn't respond. He didn't truly know why he had come. He had no offering to give her in return for her advice, no question to ask her.
When the silence stretched out longer and longer, she finally moved again, rising gracefully to her feet. She kept her back to him, though, leaving him to admire her. Her cloak was gone, revealing a dress that dipped low at the back, showing what he assumed were initiation tattoos.
"You wish to find yourself."
He started, surprised at what she'd said. She didn't allow him time to respond.
"In your hometown, you were known as the panther. You were the silent one. Preferring the night, as you do here. They almost feared you for what you had the power to do."
He was shaken by what she said. He'd told no one of his past, of where he'd come from. Yet she knew. He gathered his courage to speak.
"How do you know who I am?"
Finally, she turned, and their eyes met; hers dark with knowledge, his dark with secrets.
"What do you offer in payment, dark one?"
He swallowed, and took a careful step forward. "Myself."

You have liked this post!

I love how detailed this is! <3 I can SEE them in my mind!

You have liked this post!

<3

You have liked this post!

After reading these two pieces, I am hooked. I was hooked on the first sentence actually. I am left wondering why these characters think as they do, why these characters have been chosen for this tale, what is happening and going to happen and has happened.. who what when where how why.
The first person narration for the female character as a starting chapter is great because it.. I dunno, it works, and you get their insight and feelings BETTER than if it were third person. However, third person narration for the male character, that provides some mystery to it, and I personally like it. Normally stories stick with one narrative view point, but this adds a unique feature that sets you apart from everyone else. C:
I feel this will be a successful story and I hope it becomes so. I'm loving it and hope you add more soon. And I second what everyone has said so far. :)

ALSO just wanna say the title is great too xD

And that concludes this poop comment.

You have liked this post!

Copypasta'ed from chat for you. :3

"Anyway, I really like what you wrote ♥ One thing that bothers me just a little is sometimes you have short sentences that can be joined together, or sentences with too many commas, but other than that, it's great. :3 I really like how you built the world as you wrote, so that the reader has just enough space left to imagine the rest.

I think it's good now, but it's always up to you how far you want to go with it. :3 Whether you want to give your readers more to work with or help them out a little more, just so long as you don't go full paragraphs about your surroundings. xD"

You have liked this post!

-slinks ashamed into thread- So yeah... Finally dragged my sorry self back in here. -clears throat- So anyways, critique time. :D

Fantasy route! I except to be dazzled here. :P So far you've got my attention. Ancient Society Setting? Check. Clear class distinctions? Check. Magic? Check. Gods? Oh hell yeah. If you throw in dragons I might just die, as those are the main things I look for in pleasure reads. ;P -huge Tamora Pierce and Christopher Paolini fan-

Starting off with an appearance issue, when you go into the bit about the 'they say' bit, I suggest putting the guards words in italics boxed in by ' ' followed by her mental voice in regular font. It'd just give a visual differentiation that would make the reading smoother.

Careful on the amount of detail. A certain measure of ambiguity goes a long way in allowing the reader to fill in the story as they imagine. I see books as more of guides than records, if that makes any sense. While I love her appearance and description, this once is enough to establish a firm visualization. To some readers this can be a lot, so another manner of going about establishing the look of a character is to highlight on the most important parts in broken up hints. Focus on a handful of traits at a time, those truly pertinent to her appearance. Clothing and accessories are where a lot of people get tripped up in writing. They have the whole look in their heads, but it takes a lot of words to put it together. Type of material, sort of cut, and basic idea of jewelry is enough to create a richly outfitted character. If there are any special accessories, give them their own moments to shine later on in a small snippet that may highlight them. Now I'm not saying change what you have, I like it as is, but this is offering an alternative way to address clothing/appearance presentation. c:

The only other thing I really want to address is the switch of narration. I think its something that can really set this book apart from others. Offering no omnipresent view, but two equally limited, first and third person. There are very few cohesive ways to do this properly, so be wary on how to proceed. I recommend keeping first person style strictly to the priestess, as you've started the other main character off in third person. I think it would be far more interesting to only have access to her thoughts in such an intimate way, leaving our male lead as more of a mystery/slightly less understood character. I'd love to see maybe other third person limited perspectives from other characters that come along. I had more to say on this but I lost my train of thought.

Overall well written as always luv. And equally as riveting. I can offer more insightful critique as you share more. Cuz this bout was garbly gook and I'm sorry ;3;

You have liked this post!

Just one thing to add about the section where youre describing her clothing and whatnot. It seems as if it is describing her from the man's POV. It describes a chain through her hair, but later says her hair is mostly covered by a hood.
Inconsistant bits tend to jump out and poke me in the eye XD

Overall I do like the swapping of POV and agree with the PP. Keeping 1st person POV limited to the woman will help.

You have liked this post!

@Rogue: You're amazing, and the feedback is great <3

@Keen: Thank you! I have actually started to edit it now, so that inconsistency is fixed now, but thanks for picking it up

You have liked this post!

Okay. So for all you guys who have read these excerpts and made amazing critiques and comments, here's the link to where I"m now posting it. I hope you all continue to enjoy it, and I'd love more comments based on the chapters that are up. <3

BLOOD MEMORIES

It will be updated almost daily until the end of November, or until it's finished :D

You have liked this post!

Tis very good, Wyndy :DDD I like it so far, it's very well written and thought out ^^

You have liked this post!

-Pay No Mind To This Stupid Lioden Double Post-

You have liked this post!

Reaoly, really awesome *-*
I am actually hooked!!Would definitely read this book.

You have liked this post!

Tha'ts awesome, kitty. :D If you want to read the really bad first draft, the link is in the first post. Hopefully, it works. I'd love to know what you think of the whole thing.

You have liked this post!

OMG this was awesome. I ran to wattpad :D

You have liked this post!