Posted by Should I Continue???

Kailani (#18301)

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Posted on
2015-03-18 08:43:32


My friend gave me this prompt to write about to stave off the Spring Break boredom and it was just too interesting to pass up. I forged ahead with the first little prologue and I'm looking for some feedback. I'm not 100% sure where to go with it so some plot suggestions would be great!


Without further ado:

The darkness that engulfed me was suffocating, it surrounded me and seemed to pull me deeper into the abyss I was floating in. With great effort I lifted my hand in front of my face, distressed when I couldn’t see it. As I attempted to regain my spatial awareness I recognized the sense of weightlessness, I was floating in apparent nothingness I couldn’t sense anything around me. The silence was deafening and just as the panic was setting in I noticed the pitch black that had once surrounded me was now a dull grey. With each passing second my surroundings came into view, soon I was submerged in a calming blue ambiance. I once again lifted my hand in front of my face, pleased to find that I could make out every detail of my hand from my knuckles to the bright coral fingernail polish on my nails.

Just as I was going to continue my examination a movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned to see what it was and did a double take, surely my mind was playing tricks on me. My eyes bugged out as I watched a pair of sea lions twist and twirl around me, their curiosity piqued when they saw me gawking at them. As they swam near I heard a faint buzzing in the back of my head, a steady hum of nonsense. The braver of the two stuck its nose in my face for a closer look, jumped back and startled them. They swam away in a hurry, glancing back occasionally to check to make sure I wasn’t in pursuit. Before I could actually assess what has transpired a melodious voice called to me.

“Excuse me, are you the new girl?” I frantically turned to see who the owner of the voice was, desperate for answers as to where I was and what was going on. My eyes rested on a distant figure floating towards me and I squinted to try and make it out. As the mass got closer and realization dawned on me I was slapped with a wave of shock.

“Hello there! Sorry I’m so late, there was a mix up with the shift change and I-never mind,” The girl waved her hand flippantly, oblivious to my silent awe. “I’m Hannah, here to help you with all of your questions and issues you might have.” She stuck out a hand expectantly. It took all of my willpower to ignore the giant elephant in the room and greet her like a normal human being.

“Nasrin, Rin for short.” I gingerly took her hand, trying not to show my fear. An awkward silence fell over us and I looked all around the space Hannah occupied, making a point not to look directly at her.

“Hm, you are the most relaxed tyro I’ve ever had. Usually new merfolk have a ton of questions!” Her cheery demeanor and bright green eyes almost threw me off. It took me a second to process exactly what she said but once I did I suddenly felt light headed and queasy.

“M-merfolk?” My voice came out funny and garbled and I chalked it up to lack of use.

“Yep, that’s the politically correct term for us. Though mermaid and merman is acceptable.” Hannah shot me a brilliant smile, her canines seeming to be a bit sharper than necessary.

“Us? Oh I’m not a…” My protest died on my tongue as I glanced down at my torso for the first time since I regained consciousness. I took in the long scaly tail that extended from my midsection. The inky, black, iridescent scales that covered the-my tail were mesmerizing, shimmering in the refracting light. It was then that I became hyper aware of my surroundings, I was underwater, there was no way I could be breathing. I clutched at my throat frantically as I took in gulps of water, Hannah reached forward and pulled my hands away.

“That’s more like it. No worries, you are indeed able to breathe underwater.” She moved my hands across my neck and I felt the fine gills there, barely noticeable unless I rubbed against the grain. I took a deep breath, amazed at how they strained a bit when I exhaled. I tried to take in water with my new gills and found my lungs getting a health dose of water. I coughed violently, which was a bit awkward underwater, and Hannah thumped me on the back.

“Don’t do that, you’ll drown.” She chided me with a wag of her finger. I tilted my head to the side in a silent question. “Think like a shark, take in water through your mouth or nose and out through your gills, don’t ever go in reverse. That’ll take in water to your lungs and you’ll suffocate.”

I nodded numbly as I glanced back down at my tail, I gingerly ran my hands along what was once my thighs. Surprised at the smoothness I found it was then that I noticed the white spots along the side of my tail that became more prominent as they reached my fin which had a white stripe running along the edge.

“Beautiful isn’t it? I’ll admit I’ve yet to see one like yours, if I had to guess I’d say you’ve got some angelfish in ya,” She examined my fin with an intense curiosity, “Where are you from?”

“Well I was born in Maine but my mother is from Brazil and my father is from Azerbaijan.” I gave her the simplified version, I was a textbook mutt. My mother’s heritage was a hodgepodge of ethnicities but her most dominate one and the one she identified with the most was Brazilian.

“Azerbaijani huh? That explains the exotic pigment. Remarkable.” She muttered to herself as she continued to examine my tail. I took the time to glance at her tail and was enthralled with the muddled speckles that adorned her mossy green tail. The reds and browns mixed together pleasantly with the green from the top of her hips all the way down to her heart shaped tail. It looked like one of those splatter paintings by that abstract artist that my 10th grade art teacher was obsessed with. I was so lost in trying to remember the painter’s name that I almost missed Hannah’s question.

“So are you ready to get started on our crash course to merfolk life?” She flashed me another brilliant smile.

“I guess I don’t really have a choice huh?” I managed a weak smile.

“Not really.” Hannah giggled as she took my hand and pulled me along. I mimicked her movements and found it surprisingly difficult to maneuver with my new gear. My tail flipped and propelled me forward at uneven intervals and with varying power it was hard to gauge how hard I need to flick my tail to maintain a steady pace. We had just managed to reach what looked like the ruined outskirts of a city when a glaring question popped into my head.

“So how did I end up here? I mean I definitely wasn’t born a mermaid, erm person. And I don’t remember signing up to be one...” I trailed off, hoping Hannah had an answer for me. She looked back over her shoulder at me with a quizzical expression.

“Oh, I thought you were aware,” Her face softened into a look of pity, “You died, Rin.”

----------------

So there you have it folks, basically the prompt is that there is a select few who, when they die, become mermaids and live out a 'second life' under the sea. I was thinking of having the usual issues of Rin trying to come to terms with her being 'reborn' into a mermaid and adhering to the rules of the merpeople. But I need a bigger issue that she needs to overcome other than the typical adjustment period.

Also please excuse any mistakes, I've yet to proofread it. CX




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Delphox the Fire
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Posted on
2015-03-18 08:47:52
Please, continue! This is a good story!



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Kailani (#18301)

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Posted on
2015-03-18 10:41:38
Thank you Delphox! <3


Also does anyone have any title suggestions?



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Edited on 18/03/15 by Kailani (#18301)

✴ Ivy (#16473)

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Posted on
2015-03-18 11:49:41
Amazing! I'd love to hear more of it. :D



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Sunfire (#26490)

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Posted on
2015-03-18 12:09:04
:O Please write more. I love this



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Kailani (#18301)

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Posted on
2015-03-19 12:19:13

Update!

Again sorry for typos/mistakes. X3 And thanks for the encouraging words you guys!



The second she said it I got an unpleasant feeling in my gut as a flash of my fragmented memory replayed in my mind. A wave of paralyzing fear washed over me as I relived my death, I vaguely registered Hannah’s concerned face as I flicked back and forth between the past and the present.

My heavy breathing filled my ears as I ran through the quiet neighborhood. I debated if I should take the time to knock on someone’s door but in this middle class neighborhood I doubted anyone would open the door, despite the pleas of a girl in distress. I took a sharp turn and threw myself against the fence door, sending a silent prayer that it was unlocked. To my surprise it was and I slipped in, slamming the wooden door behind me. My eyes roamed around the spacious backyard and I decided that I should try and get the attention of the homeowners. They are more likely to respond to someone banging on their backdoor than their front. Even if they did call the cops I’d be grateful for anyone’s aid at the moment. I pounded on the door in the hopes it was loud enough to stir the residences. Just my luck, no one’s home. I could hear the soft swearing of my pursuer as he doubled back to look for me. Out of options I rammed my elbow into one of the glass squares by the door handle, wincing when I felt the sharp shards pierce my elbow. I fumbled with the lock on the other side and soon barged my way into the house.

It was dark and I couldn’t risk turning on a light to make my way through, what I assumed to be, the living room. A winding staircase was located towards the front of the modern style house. I crept up the stairs and once I reached the top a low growl reached my ears, stopping me in my tracks. This obviously wasn’t my day, a massive dog came bounding around the corner and sized me up. I’m not sure why he considered me the bigger threat since I was pretty sure he outweighed me but he advanced quickly, his sharp canines seeming to glow in the poor lighting. I made the mistake of taking a step back and sent the mutt into a frenzy, he started barking and lunged for me. I took no time in throwing myself back down the stairs only to find the guy I had been running from waiting for me at the backdoor. The dog stopped a few feet behind me, sizing up the newcomer. Ol’ Fido found the angry guest to be just as threatening as me, which I found to be ironic and a little offensive, and lunged forward with a snarl. The shiny bolo knife made short work of the canine and the once frightening beast was left mangled on the wood floor.

“I hate dogs.” He glowered at the mass of fur and I almost muttered a “Me too” before I stopped myself. He then turned his attention back to me, deciding what to do next. I mistook the hesitation as a sign of uncertainty and attempted to reason with him.

“Look, I won’t tell anybody what I saw. I don’t want any trouble.” I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice but failed miserably. He gave me a look that I couldn’t quite discern in the dim lighting but I assumed it was skeptical or amused. He took a step forward and I mirrored his movement. I barely had time to scream as he reached for me and drove the knife deep into my abdomen. My last thought was that I hoped he had the decency to move my body so the homeowners wouldn’t find my mutilated corpse on their expensive oak wood floor.


When I came too I was vaguely aware of faint, concerned voices discussing my health to the left of me. I slowly opened my eyes and regretting it immediately as sharp rays of light seemed to pierce my cornea. I rubbed at them as I eavesdropped on the conversation.

“...Violent and sudden deaths are the worst. I’ll be honest I think she’s going to have a tough time adjusting. Since she never came to terms with her death her past life is still mostly intact.”

“Oh boy, I think I should call in Cal?”

“I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt but better safe than sorry.”

My mind tried to process exactly what they were talking about but the fact that I was hearing things out of context had my brain dishing out a myriad of possibilities, most of which were just outrageous. Instead of jumping to conclusions I decided to make my cognizance known and slowly sat up from the surprisingly soft bed of kelp I was laying on. Hannah was talking with what I assumed was a merman, though where a fish tail should have been there was a bright red armored tail similar to a lobster or crawfish. His soft brown eyes were reassuring and his glasses gave him a scholarly look.
“Oh! Rin, you’re awake! Thank goodness, you had some sort of vision then you fainted. I brought you to Dr. Kaiser as fast as I could.” She swam over to me and helped me off the kelp bed, I swung my tail over the side and tread water as I waited for further explanation.

“It seems as if you had some sort of episode. Sadly this probably won’t be the last one, this kind of think is common among those who never came to terms with their death.” Dr. Kaiser scuttled over to me and gently grabbed my wrist, glancing at the watch on his right hand. I looked at the device with confusion. “Waterproof.”

“Oh.” Was all I could manage as I once again found myself overwhelmed with this new life I was given.

“Hey Rin, If you’re feeling up to it there’s a few people I want you to meet. They are a part of the Adjustment Committee and have been dying for some fresh blood.” Hannah’s cheery demeanor was contagious and I found I was actually feeling up to the task.

“Sure, I guess.” I had meant to sound more enthusiastic than I did but mild interest was all I could manage. With a mumbled ‘thank you’ and a half hearted wave goodbye to Dr. Kaiser I followed Hannah out of the makeshift infirmary.




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Sunfire (#26490)

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Posted on
2015-03-19 12:55:48
Your writing is so good :O I felt like I was reading a passage from a real book. Poor Rin though ;_;



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Kailani (#18301)

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Posted on
2015-03-23 15:18:22

'Nother Update!

Ah, Sunfire you are too kind!


We made our way to a massive fountain, well what used to be a fountain. Now it was in a state of ruin, along with most of the buildings in this underwater haven. As we got closer I could see there was a small group of girls and guys around my age, idling and chatting around the cracked fountain. Once we were in ear shot Hannah called out.

“Hey guys! I found her!” All but one of them turned to examine me with eagerness and curiosity.

“It’s a girl.” One of the guys mumbled to the merman on his left who shot his friend a pointed look.

“Please just ignore everything he says. Drew is incredibly ignorant, despite our best efforts we’ve yet to get rid of all of his obnoxious traits.” Hannah gave him the eye and Drew shrugged. He was tall, well that is to say if he had legs instead of a tail I’d put him at least 6 foot, though I couldn’t really be sure as his tail wasn’t touching the ocean floor. His skin had a tanned look to it and I found myself wondering if merfolk still sunbathed. He had dark wavy hair and chiseled features with piercing olive eyes, I couldn’t help but think of all those Roman statues I’d seen in museums with the smooth carved features and stern expressions. I had a feeling that Drew took himself very seriously and had great pride in everything he did.

“Sorry, it’s just I assumed with a name like ‘Rin’...” He trailed off as he sized me up, a bubble of irritation rose up from my gut and I was quick to explain.
“It’s short for Nasrin.” I refrained from crossing my arms across my chest, not wanting to come off as hostile. Drew only nodded, still scrutinizing me silently.

“Oh, what a beautiful name!” The shortest of the group gushed with a genuine smile on her pretty face.

“Thank you, I’m named after my grandmother.” I couldn’t help the grin that crept across my face, the girl’s cheery demeanor was contagious.

“I’m Jiao Li, but you can call me Ji-Ji.” Her silvery voice was masked by a slight Asian accent that I couldn’t quite place. Ji-Ji was beautiful by anyone’s standards, with her chin length jet black hair and symmetrical face. She had high cheekbones and deep set, monolid eyes. Her pale complexion would make any porcelain doll jealous and an impossibly small waistline. I imagined she was some sort of model in her previous life. Before I could ruin my self esteem even more the girl beside Ji-Ji introduced herself.

“And I’m Cézanne Coetzee, Zee for short.” She offered me one of her small manicured hands and I took it reciprocating the polite smile she gave. Zee was what my best friend Laura would call ‘currrrvaceous’, she had a near perfect hourglass shaped silhouette. I was pretty sure she was spot on with the 36-24-36 measurements many men dreamed about. The apple cheekbones and the prominent dimple on her left cheek gave her a kind appearance. Though her sharp hazel eyes held a bit of mischief in them. As she finished her introduction the last member of the group shifted slightly turning Zee’s attention to the silent entity. She tossed an arm across his shoulders, her mocha complexion contrasting nicely with the merman’s peach skin.

“Annnnd this bundle of joy is Calvin. Calvin Quebedeaux of the Quebedeaux Estate.” She put on a snooty accent over her thick South African one which made for a comical effect. Calvin scoffed and shot her the finger, earning a chuckle from everyone.

“He’s no Chatty Charlie, that’s for sure. A man of few words, the strong and silent type. Emphasis on the silent.” Hannah fought back a smirk as she rattled off more jabs.

“Thanks for the glowing introduction,” The sarcasm in Calvin’s voice was deadly as he fixed his steely gaze on Hannah and Zee, “but I can speak for myself.” It was then that Calvin turned his full attention to me for the first time since I arrived at this meet and greet. The aloof expression that was reflected on his handsome face was a bit off putting and his hooded, blue eyes were shrouded in uncertainty. I could tell it would take a lot for Cal to trust me and it be a while before he’d consider me a confidant, lucky for me it seemed as if I had an infinite amount of time now so there was no rush.

“Well now that we’ve got all of the boring stuff out of the way let’s get down to the knitty gritty. Do you remember how you died?” Zee’s question was met with a chorus of disapproving noises and scolding.

“You don’t have to answer that.” Ji-Ji put a comforting hand on my arm and I could tell my expression was haunted at best. I wasn’t really ready to reveal exactly what I remembered so I gave them the vanilla version.

“No, no it’s fine. I don’t really remember anything specific. Mostly just feelings, fear, anxiety, those sort of things.” I gave a small shrug and tried to push the rising hysteria back down.

“Oh, lucky you,” Drew said almost bitterly, “Betrayal doesn’t sit well with the afterlife.” I gave him a quizzical look and he explained further. “My twin brother ran me through with a spear during a battle. He got away with it and took my position as praetor of my legion. I prayed to Nemesis every night for retribution.” He got a far away look in his eyes as he thought of his past life.

“Please, you had it easy Drew. Try dying of starvation because of the shortcomings of the aristocrats. The stinging resentment I held for so long probably burned a hole in my G.I. tract.” Hannah’s remark had my curiosity piqued and I looked at the others for explanations.

“Framed for treason and gassed.” Ji-Ji said casually.

“Strangled by an overzealous admirer.” Zee replied.

“Consumption.” Cal offered.




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✴ Ivy (#16473)

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Posted on
2015-03-25 11:44:52
Amazing *.*



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Kailani (#18301)

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Posted on
2015-03-26 15:03:45

Update Time!

-blows kisses at chamblee-

As usual please excuse my errors, PROOFREADING IS FOR THE WEAK!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Their slightly vague responses had my curiosity burning for more details but I refrained from digging into their personal lives, past lives. I had only met them a little while ago after all. A slightly awkward pause presented itself as we all wondered how to move onto the next topic. I took one last glance at the group of my new peers and a new question surfaced. Before I could stop myself I blurted it out.

“Wait. Exactly how old are you guys?” As the question left my mouth a few discrepancies became glaringly obvious.

“Don’t you know it’s rude to ask a woman’s age, Rin!” Ji-Ji exclaimed, though the expression on her face suggested she was only joking.

“Very well,” I turned to Cal with a smirk on my face. “How old are you Cal?”

“If you must know I was born in 1946 in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Does that satisfy your curiosity Nasrin?” His expression suggested that even if I had more questions he wouldn’t be answering them.

“I’m the youngest, well...was the youngest until you arrived. Born in 1986, Tianjin, China. Let’s see...Zee was born in Johannesburg, South Africa in the 70s. Hannah in some small Irish town in the late 1800s. And-” Drew chose this time to interject.

“I was born in the greatest civilization to grace this pitiful planet.” Drew puffed his chest out as the rest of the group emitted a chorus of groans and ‘Here we go again’s. “The ultimate embodiment of the great city of Rome founded by the glorious Romulus, the-” Zee chose this moment to put an end to Drew’s ego trip.

“Oh stuff it Drew, you weren’t even born in Rome.” Drew’s face flushed an angry red at the comment.

“The insinuation that the blood that runs through my veins is anything but Roman is outrageous!”

Zee chose not to respond to Drew’s tomfoolery she instead ignored him and turned to face me. Her irritation dissolving into bubbling excitement, the mischief returning to her bright eyes. I tried to push the uneasy feeling that settled in my gut away chalking it up to uncertainty about this new life. I cleared my throat, hoping that when I spoke they wouldn’t be able to detect any worry.

“So, what exactly do you guys to for fun around here?” My curiosity was back at the sight of the girls exchanging a delightful look.

“Well it’s almost midday and it’s finally warm enough that we can sunbathe. Want to join us?” Hannah gushed.

“Or, if you aren’t into preening you can join me and Drew to check the abyss.” Cal offered, albeit a bit reluctantly. While sunbathing sounded rather drab ‘The Abyss’ sounded dangerous and the exact opposite of somewhere I’d want to be.

“Thanks for the offer Cal but I’m dying for some sun.” I motioned to the hazy blue vastness that was the ocean, he nodded in understanding.

“Great choice!” Ji-Ji grabbed my wrist and dragged me up to the surface, Zee and Hannah followed suit. As we got closer to the surface I tried to contain the eagerness I felt for a glimpse at the world I left behind. As we broke through the surface I took in a deep breath of air only to feel a slight burning in my lungs. I erupted into a coughing fit, Zee thumped me on the back to help dissipate the irritant.
“Oh, I should have warned you. It’ll take a little bit for you to adjust to the air, when you break the surface take a few shallow breaths to help acclimate your lungs.” Hannah had a sheepish look on her face.

“It’s like breathing through smoke, I feel like an asthmatic. Ugh.” My breathing became more even as my body adjusted to the change but the heaviness in the air still remained.

“That’s the pollution. It’s gotten much worse over the past couple of decades. As a mortal you probably never noticed how poor quality the air actually was. The clean oxygen we get in the ocean is nothing like the grime on the surface world. Though even that’s changing in some places.” Zee’s voice held a bit of contempt as she explained.

“You never really get used to it.” Hannah complained as she swam over to a tide pool that was at the edge of a lagoon and lifted herself onto a flat boulder. Ji-ji and Zee did the same and I followed suit. It took me a few tries and a helping hand to lift myself onto a rock and I awkwardly sat with the tip of my fin grazing the top of the water.

The others went about making themselves comfortable inspecting their tails and messing with their damp hair. I took the time to properly examine their colorful tails and found myself wondering exactly how mermaid genetics worked. Hannah’s tail was littered with red, brown and yellow spots and her fin was more of a heart shaped in comparison to mine. Ji-ji’s on the other hand reminded me of a koi fish in one of those oriental gardens, black and orange mottled against a white base with a long fan shaped fin. Zee’s bright coral colored tail had a smattering of cream colored spots and her V shaped fin was almost translucent. When the others grabbed a handful of wet sand started to rub it over their tails I could feel my face scrunching up in confusion. Ji-ji noticed and let out a hearty laugh.

“It’s to get all the grime and dead scales off, sand is a great exfoliator.” She hummed a little tune as she washed off the sand and dirt. I shrugged and stretched out on the rock enjoying the warm rays of the sun. Just as I was about to slip into a nice nap the roaring of a boat engine rumbled in my chest. My eyes flew open just in time to see a speed boat zip past a few hundred feet away from the lagoon.

“Uh, oh guys. Looks like we are going to have to cut our sun time short today.” Zee all but whined as she slid back into the water.

“Why? They are long gone now.” I pointed to shrinking outline of the boat.

“It’s yachting season and by the looks of it there’s a few teams wanting to get the jump on practicing for the races.” Hannah pointed back in the direction where the speed boat had come from. I could just make out three or four yachts making their way out from port. I slid into the water after Zee, before I could plunge back into the, depths I now called home Zee grabbed my arm.
“Wanna scare the pants off some yuppies?” She glanced back over her shoulder to make sure she was out of earshot of Hannah and Ji-ji. I felt an almost sinister smile grace my face at the thought.

“What did you have in mind?” I whispered. Zee motioned for me to follow her.

“Hey, I want to show Rin here the dolphin grotto. We’ll catch up with you all later.” Hannah and Ji-ji shrugged and dived back to the depths we resided in while Zee and I slowly made our way towards the yachts. Zee moved to swim alongside a dark blue one with a large colorful sail, there were three people on the boat and all but one of them were fiddling with the rudder and shouting profanities at each other. The youngest of the crew was sitting on the side of the hull with his feet dangling over the water, he was too preoccupied with his thoughts to notice us swim right up under him. As the boat came to a standstill Zee put a finger to her mouth, though whether it was to remind me to keep quiet or to stifle her giggles I wasn’t sure, and reached up to give one of his feet a good tug. She dove back into the water, leaving me staring straight into curious muddy green eyes. There was a second of processing before the guy went into full on panic mode.

“O-oh my god! Are you alright?! Here, let me help you out of the water!” Before I could protest he was already reaching for me and hooked his arms under my armpits. Just as he was hauling me out Zee resurfaced, panic written all over her face. I did the only thing I could and started to wiggle and thrash in hoped that he would drop me. No such luck. That only caused him to lose his footing and he went headfirst into the water still hanging onto me.

“Let me go! I don’t need your help you oaf!” I pushed him away and as we both stared at each other, treading water. This was the first good look I’d had of him and while I was almost certain I’d never met him before there was a certain connection I couldn’t place. His olive skin complemented his dark hair that now clung to his forehead. Those murky green eyes were staring at me in disbelief.

“What?” I asked defensively.

“I know you.” His intense stare was making me uncomfortable. Just as I was thinking of just diving back under the water and hightailing it out of there he pointed a long finger at me. “Y-you’re that dead girl! The one that was-you’re her! It’s you!”

What?” I repeated, the fact that he recognized me as ‘that dead girl’ was extremely off putting.

“You’re the girl. Nasrin, right?” He tried to reach for me but I jerked back.

“Don’t touch me! Who the hell are you?” As the question left my mouth a vision flashed in front of me.

I lay on the cold floor, my head lolled to the side. As I bled out on the pristine floor I slipped in and out of consciousness. I tried not to think about the sharp pain in my lower extremities and instead focused on the lavishly decorated living room. There was a large overstuffed white couch with a matching chaise and armchair, the glass top coffee table was in front of a large traditional fireplace. Above the mantle was a grandiose family portrait, painted in the likeness of the homeowners. My eyes were drawn to the stoic face of the son, he looked serious and purposeful in that painting. I assumed he was your typical rich kid, planning to go to some Ivy League school to become a lawyer so he could take over his father’s firm one day. Soon each breath I drew became painful and I imagined the family’s reaction to finding some random dead girl on the floor of their 2500 square foot vacation home. I bet they’d be more upset at finding their beloved family pet slaughtered than me.

My sharp intake of breath must have alarmed my would be rescuer. I guessed my eyes were hollow and haunted as I rode out my vision. I now knew why he recognized me, he was the Ivy League rich kid. I was flooded with emotions as we continued to tread water and scrutinize each other.

“Who are you?” I repeated the question once more.

“Robbie.” His answer was concise and his voice sounded breathy. I could tell he was trying to figure out how I was here in front of him now when he’d seen me wheeled out of his house in a body bag a few days before. I decided to resort to denial.

“Well I’m obviously not whoever you think I am, this dead girl…” I waved my hand as if to dismiss the whole idea.

“Yes you are.” Robbie’s voice was firm and held a assertiveness to it. I was taken aback by his tone that resonated certainty and I had no response. Lucky for me Zee resurfaced again, her arms crossed and a stern look on her face.

“Well this reunion was...anything but pleasant, It’s time for us to be heading back now. I assume you can get your friends to help you back into your boat?” Her icy tone indicated that even if he couldn’t get his fellow crew members to help him back in the boat we wouldn’t be offering him a hand. With a feeble nod from Robbie, Zee grabbed my hand and we dove back down beneath the surface. Once we were a few hundred feet below she stopped and grabbed my shoulders.

“Are you okay Rin? It doesn’t seem like that guy was someone you were glad to see…” Her eyes were filled with concern and I knew she felt responsible for my discomfort.

“I’m fine. And I didn’t know him.” Zee nodded and continued the descent to the city ruins. Though I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why, I had a feeling that Robbie was a key component to finding out about my death and getting the closure that Zee and the other’s had already gotten.




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Edited on 27/03/15 by Kailani (#18301)

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semi-haitus (#28052)

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Posted on
2015-03-26 15:58:58
Wow! That is so awesome!!



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Cryptid (they/he) (#44335)

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Posted on
2015-03-26 16:27:37
This is awesome, keep going!



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Kailani (#18301)

Recognizable
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Posted on
2015-03-27 11:54:34
Ah, thanks guys! <3

Just a heads up I know where I eventually want Rin and the gang to end up but I'm not 100% sure on how they'll get there so if the next couple of updates are a bit choppy I apologize in advance. C:



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Cryptid (they/he) (#44335)

Total Chad
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Posted on
2015-03-27 12:17:35
Choppy will turn into smooth, so just wing it xD



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Kailani (#18301)

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Posted on
2015-03-30 17:06:34



Update! Update! Read All About It!

This update features another flashback (gosh Rin get yourself together) and some uncanny merfolk. :o

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The jingling of keys and the sound of a deadbolt sliding back reached my subconscious. A weak wave of panic rushed through me as I realized it was the homeowners returning from whatever adventures they had embarked on this weekend. The shuffling of bags and clicking of heels echoed in the silent house.

“Major! Here boy!” A deep, pleasant voice called out for the family pet.

“That’s odd, he’s usually jumping all over us at the door.” A silvery voice chimed in. though it held a bit of irritation rather than real concern. Heavy footsteps reverberated off the foyer as they neared the horrifying scene I knew would greet them in the living room. The screech that reached my subconscious was high pitched and shrill. I assumed it was the mother who saw me. There was a thundering of footsteps as the others ran to see what had the woman in such a state. A pregnant pause followed and I assumed they were processing exactly what they were seeing.

“My rug! It’s ruined!” The woman was the first to break the silence with an exasperated cry. If I had the ability to I’d have a knowing smirk on my face. Typical.

“Margaret, surely you can’t be serious! Call an ambulance! Robert, get over here and help me.” The man had a steady, modulated voice and I guessed he was a doctor or in some medical profession that would call for complete control of your emotions under extreme stress. He checked for a pulse and once he registered my faint heartbeat he set to work on assessing my injuries. “Robert, you need to administer CPR. Don’t let up until the paramedics get here”

“Right.” I could tell by the tremor in his voice that he was nervous but as he started compressions they were unyielding and consistent. He counted out loud to himself and after thirty he gently tilted my head back and placed his lips over mine. The two breaths he forced into my oxygen deprived body had little affect on my current state. He was unwavering though and continued his resuscitation efforts until the paramedics arrived. I had to commend his stamina and the sarcastic little imp inside me wondered if that applied to other activities.


Rin? Nasrinnnnn?” I was snapped out my stupor by Ji-ji’s bubbly voice. I glanced around the concerned faces of my new friends and I could feel the heat spread across my cheeks. Zee, Ji-ji, Drew and I were eating a late lunch at the little makeshift bistro in the center of the bustling town.

“Sorry guys, what were we talking about?” I absentmindedly nibbled on my piece of kelp, my recent vision zapping my appetite.

“We were just deciding that it was high time you went to see The Chasam.” Drew fiddled with the half eaten mackerel on his plate. “You’ve been here a whole week and you make up an excuse every time we offer to take you.”

“That’s because you guys won’t even tell me what’s down there.” I couldn’t help the slight pout that graced my face at the frustration.

“Well if you went down there with us then you’d know.” Zee chided in a sing-song voice.

“I’m not an idiot, you’re obviously not telling me because whatever’s down there is unpleasant and/or deadly.” I crossed my arms and set my jaw, indicating that I had no intention of changing my mind anytime soon.

“By gods Rin you are just too smart for us. How did one so intelligent as you come to live among us simpletons?” Drew’s trademark sarcasm had me rolling my eyes.

“What kind of sycophant are you?” I griped.

“What kind of sycophant do you want me to be?” He put on his most charming smile and batted his long eyelashes. The result was comical and I had to fight down the bubble of laughter that rose in my throat.

“You’re the worst.” I muttered as I shot him a slightly irritated look.

“You wound me.” Drew deadpanned. I opened my mouth to berate him further but a shadow loomed over the small veranda that was connected to the small ramshackle restaurant we were seated at. I looked at the newcomer with wide eyes, I had never seen her before but she reminded me of someone. As I sized her up my eyes landed on her strange tail. While everyone I had encountered here in this little merfolk community had tails that resembled various fresh and saltwater fish the mermaid that was looming over me had a long, serpentine like tail. There was no fin at the end it just tapered off and it undulated constantly in order to keep her level in the water. She was obviously irritated with one of us at the table she hovered with her arms crossed and a pinched expression on her angular face.

“Ah, Pettifleur so nice of you to join us.” Though her words were cordial the way Ji-ji greeted Pettifleur suggested that her appearance was far from welcome.

“Jai-Li, Caesar, good to see you again.” Pettifleur’s voice was sharp and a little grating, her mild South Australian accent did nothing to help.

Jaio Li and Cézanne.” Zee corrected with venom in her voice.

“Right, yeah. Well you know.” The neutral expression on Pettifleur’s face lead me to believe she hadn’t committed it to memory.

“Pettifleur, why are you here?” Drew enunciated every syllable as he all but glared at the intruder.

“Aw my little Dewey Drew-y, I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d drop by. I’m escorting Chyka back to her chilly abode.” As she sidled up to Drew I decided that they must have some rocky history. They icy glare he was shooting at Pettifleur did nothing to deter her as she picked at his plate. The silence was almost painful as everyone fought to get their emotions under control. Soon Pettifleur was turning to me for conversation points. “Well Drew, aren’t you going to introduce me to your new friend?”

“Fleur, this is Nasrin. She’s new to the community.” Drew nodded toward me and went back to sulking.

“Nice to meet you.” My greeting sounded more like a question as I was still not sure what to think of Pettifleur.

“Right, likewise. Forgive me for asking but you’re what…?” She dragged out the question and motioned to my tail. It took me a while to realized she was essentially asking me where I was from. I gave her my usual bit and she nodded absentmindedly. “How....exotic.” Was all she could muster and I knew then exactly how I felt about Pettifleur.

“Great, well it was so nice meeting you. I’ve got some things to do, like count schools of fish and scrape barnacles off the grotto walls.” I made to leave but before I could take off she scoffed and raised her hands in defeat.

“Alright, alright. I know when I’m not wanted. Anyways I see Chyks is ready to go. It was nice seeing you all and I hope we can do this again.” She gave a small wave before dashing off at an alarming speed. A few meters away she met up with a rather uncanny looking mermaid. She has a long, stark white tail that looked leathery and slick, though it was flushed a pale red at the moment. It reminded me of a whale or seal. As Pettifleur met up with her Chyka looked over to us and gave a feeble wave. Zee sucked her teeth and shook her head.

“Petti knows good and well that an arctic mermaid has no business going past Greenland. I mean look at her she’s burning up!” Zee threw her hands up in exasperation.

“Your ex has no regard for anyone else’s feelings. She was probably using her for one of her seedy deals over by Tamu Massif.” Ji-ji clicked her tongue in disapproval. I guess the confusion on my face was painfully obvious as Zee turned to explain.

“Pettifleur is a guide. She ferries other merfolk from point A to point B, offering them protection against predators, poachers, and pirates.” My puzzled look only increased in intensity at her surface explanation I was going to need her to spell it out for me. “She’s a sea snake species, her bite is venomous. Good deterrent against the nasties. Chyka was an arctic seal species, I’d guess Harp seal, and she didn’t look so good. While us merfolk have no serious issues switching between sea and fresh water, water temperature is our weakness. Especially for those who reside in the extremes. I’m surprised the poor girl even made it, she looked way overheated, even in our cooler waters.” Zee finished with a sigh as she glanced once more at Petti and Chyka’s retreating figures.

Though my past week here had been one giant adjustment I was finally finding my niche and thought I had everything down pact. Now yet another wrench was thrown, I mentally scolded myself at my narrow minded thinking. Of course there were other types of merfolk out there, though I had only been exposed to the typical ‘Little Mermaid’ types from legends and folklore I realized now that was a stereotype.

“So, exactly how many other...species of merfolk are there?” I asked.

“All kinds. Anything you can think of.” Drew shrugged as he picked his teeth with a fish bone.

“Whales?”

“Yep.”

“Jellyfish?”

“Yep.”

“Sharks?”

“Yep, tons of ‘em.”

“What about those creepy fish you find at the deepest parts of the ocean?”

“Ah yeah, those are nasty buggers.” Drew dodged the open hand that came flying his way from Zee at the offending comment. I leaned back in my chair as I tried to imagine all of the different types of merfolk out there.

“See Rin, you would have know this if you’d come to The Chasam.” Ji-ji wagged her finger at me as she gauged my reaction to all the new information I was processing.

“Okay what is the stupid Chasam? What’s down there? A secret fight club? A giant squid that enjoys eating merfolk? Heck it could be the lost city of freaking Atlantis for all I know!” I finished my rant and looked at them, waiting for an explanation.

“Rin, it’s nothing like that. Just come with us.” Ji-ji urged me once again. My curiosity level was maxed out, I had to see what was down there. I set my jaw and gave a curt nod.

“Alright. Let’s go.” I prayed that I wouldn’t regret this.




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Dens I (#29643)

Ruthless
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Posted on
2015-03-31 02:39:27
I think its pretty obvious... Continue it! I love the story so much!



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