My friend gave me this prompt to write about to stave off the Spring Break boredom and it was just too interesting to pass up. I forged ahead with the first little prologue and I'm looking for some feedback. I'm not 100% sure where to go with it so some plot suggestions would be great!
Without further ado:
The darkness that engulfed me was suffocating, it surrounded me and seemed to pull me deeper into the abyss I was floating in. With great effort I lifted my hand in front of my face, distressed when I couldn’t see it. As I attempted to regain my spatial awareness I recognized the sense of weightlessness, I was floating in apparent nothingness I couldn’t sense anything around me. The silence was deafening and just as the panic was setting in I noticed the pitch black that had once surrounded me was now a dull grey. With each passing second my surroundings came into view, soon I was submerged in a calming blue ambiance. I once again lifted my hand in front of my face, pleased to find that I could make out every detail of my hand from my knuckles to the bright coral fingernail polish on my nails.
Just as I was going to continue my examination a movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned to see what it was and did a double take, surely my mind was playing tricks on me. My eyes bugged out as I watched a pair of sea lions twist and twirl around me, their curiosity piqued when they saw me gawking at them. As they swam near I heard a faint buzzing in the back of my head, a steady hum of nonsense. The braver of the two stuck its nose in my face for a closer look, jumped back and startled them. They swam away in a hurry, glancing back occasionally to check to make sure I wasn’t in pursuit. Before I could actually assess what has transpired a melodious voice called to me.
“Excuse me, are you the new girl?” I frantically turned to see who the owner of the voice was, desperate for answers as to where I was and what was going on. My eyes rested on a distant figure floating towards me and I squinted to try and make it out. As the mass got closer and realization dawned on me I was slapped with a wave of shock.
“Hello there! Sorry I’m so late, there was a mix up with the shift change and I-never mind,” The girl waved her hand flippantly, oblivious to my silent awe. “I’m Hannah, here to help you with all of your questions and issues you might have.” She stuck out a hand expectantly. It took all of my willpower to ignore the giant elephant in the room and greet her like a normal human being.
“Nasrin, Rin for short.” I gingerly took her hand, trying not to show my fear. An awkward silence fell over us and I looked all around the space Hannah occupied, making a point not to look directly at her.
“Hm, you are the most relaxed tyro I’ve ever had. Usually new merfolk have a ton of questions!” Her cheery demeanor and bright green eyes almost threw me off. It took me a second to process exactly what she said but once I did I suddenly felt light headed and queasy.
“M-merfolk?” My voice came out funny and garbled and I chalked it up to lack of use.
“Yep, that’s the politically correct term for us. Though mermaid and merman is acceptable.” Hannah shot me a brilliant smile, her canines seeming to be a bit sharper than necessary.
“Us? Oh I’m not a…” My protest died on my tongue as I glanced down at my torso for the first time since I regained consciousness. I took in the long scaly tail that extended from my midsection. The inky, black, iridescent scales that covered the-my tail were mesmerizing, shimmering in the refracting light. It was then that I became hyper aware of my surroundings, I was underwater, there was no way I could be breathing. I clutched at my throat frantically as I took in gulps of water, Hannah reached forward and pulled my hands away.
“That’s more like it. No worries, you are indeed able to breathe underwater.” She moved my hands across my neck and I felt the fine gills there, barely noticeable unless I rubbed against the grain. I took a deep breath, amazed at how they strained a bit when I exhaled. I tried to take in water with my new gills and found my lungs getting a health dose of water. I coughed violently, which was a bit awkward underwater, and Hannah thumped me on the back.
“Don’t do that, you’ll drown.” She chided me with a wag of her finger. I tilted my head to the side in a silent question. “Think like a shark, take in water through your mouth or nose and out through your gills, don’t ever go in reverse. That’ll take in water to your lungs and you’ll suffocate.”
I nodded numbly as I glanced back down at my tail, I gingerly ran my hands along what was once my thighs. Surprised at the smoothness I found it was then that I noticed the white spots along the side of my tail that became more prominent as they reached my fin which had a white stripe running along the edge.
“Beautiful isn’t it? I’ll admit I’ve yet to see one like yours, if I had to guess I’d say you’ve got some angelfish in ya,” She examined my fin with an intense curiosity, “Where are you from?”
“Well I was born in Maine but my mother is from Brazil and my father is from Azerbaijan.” I gave her the simplified version, I was a textbook mutt. My mother’s heritage was a hodgepodge of ethnicities but her most dominate one and the one she identified with the most was Brazilian.
“Azerbaijani huh? That explains the exotic pigment. Remarkable.” She muttered to herself as she continued to examine my tail. I took the time to glance at her tail and was enthralled with the muddled speckles that adorned her mossy green tail. The reds and browns mixed together pleasantly with the green from the top of her hips all the way down to her heart shaped tail. It looked like one of those splatter paintings by that abstract artist that my 10th grade art teacher was obsessed with. I was so lost in trying to remember the painter’s name that I almost missed Hannah’s question.
“So are you ready to get started on our crash course to merfolk life?” She flashed me another brilliant smile.
“I guess I don’t really have a choice huh?” I managed a weak smile.
“Not really.” Hannah giggled as she took my hand and pulled me along. I mimicked her movements and found it surprisingly difficult to maneuver with my new gear. My tail flipped and propelled me forward at uneven intervals and with varying power it was hard to gauge how hard I need to flick my tail to maintain a steady pace. We had just managed to reach what looked like the ruined outskirts of a city when a glaring question popped into my head.
“So how did I end up here? I mean I definitely wasn’t born a mermaid, erm person. And I don’t remember signing up to be one...” I trailed off, hoping Hannah had an answer for me. She looked back over her shoulder at me with a quizzical expression.
“Oh, I thought you were aware,” Her face softened into a look of pity, “You died, Rin.”
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So there you have it folks, basically the prompt is that there is a select few who, when they die, become mermaids and live out a 'second life' under the sea. I was thinking of having the usual issues of Rin trying to come to terms with her being 'reborn' into a mermaid and adhering to the rules of the merpeople. But I need a bigger issue that she needs to overcome other than the typical adjustment period.
Also please excuse any mistakes, I've yet to proofread it. CX
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